Category Archives: MyMusings

I (think I) Can Dance

Mindfulness & Spirituality, MyMusings

A friend invited me to a local dance performance last weekend. I hadn’t been in along time and admit I’ve avoided it to some extent. When our lives are impacted by an illness, chronic disease or pain we experience a great sense of loss. The things we used to do and the things we dreamed of doing. For me, dancing is one of those areas of deepest loss for me.

The time I spent dancing was profound physically, spiritually and emotionally. When I haven’t been dancing (training or attending regular classes) attending a dance performance has always been difficult. And even before my mobility issues settled in, there was a real sense of loss. Then, though, I was capable but not participating. For the last while, I’ve had the belief I’m no longer capable.

I was so inspired by the performance that I’ve decided to give it a go again! That I’ll do what I can and that the experience and expression provided by what little movement I can do will still nourish me on many different levels. There’s lots of research to show that exercise can be helpful in managing chronic pain and that continuing to move is important, especially to those of us with mobility issues. So with all the benefits of dance, why not dance therapy.

A bit of background…

MyMusings

 

Me and my KTM 950 AdventureWho’s behind this website?

I thought I’d give some background about who’s behind this website and what’s brought me up to this point in my life. It certianly hasn’t been a linear trip! Able I Am (AiM) is my attempt to culminate my life experience and skills into something of value to help other people live their best lives and strive to fulfill their dreams.

I’ve always been an active learner with lots of different interests. Dancing (ballet, modern, ballroom…any form of movement really :-) and danced through most of my 20’s-30’s. It’s something I still love and try to return to but it gets more difficult, and now this disability/injury…

I always wanted to ride a motorcycle so got my license about 12 years ago and have had some really nice times touring on the  bike. That’s me and KTM 950 Adventure as I’m about to put it into storage before I head off to do Basic Training when I joined the Canadian Forces. I have riden it up to Hyder, Ak twice, which was awesome, and took it on a solo trip to Ontario and back. She’s a great bike both on and off-road. I also had a BMW F650GS which is a great bike too. They are very different, but both are sweet rides…I can’t say enough that’s good about the dualsports!

I’m a bit of a geek and having been playing with computers and on the internet since about 1991. Yes, before it was even called the World Wide Web, and I build my first website scripting in html before HTML was actually formalized! It’s still a great enjoyment for me – hence this website and blog.

Some of the highlights in my career include working for Microsoft, the Canadian Coast Guard and joining the Royal Canadian Navy as an Officer, and now as a Naval Communicator.

Me with SeaSpright, 25' Aleutka sailboat

The most I’ve lived and worked in the United States for a number of years and returned to Canada in 2003.

Love, Gratitude and Dad

Intimacy & Relationships, MyMusings, , ,

Love Gratitude and DadThose of us living with chronic pain and illness know all too intimately the suggestion to find the good in our circumstances. We pour over positive affirmations and self-help books, journal, meditate, bang our heads on the wall and stomp our feet. We ask, scream out, the question: ‘Why? Why me? What does it mean?’

And we do find it in ourselves to persevere and lift above our experience. Become bigger than it alone. We find strength we never knew we had, compassion and empathy for others and the vision of a life better. I’m not alone, and have moved through all of these at different times, and continue to.

How is it we might find our deepest wish in life fulfilled as, by what might seem, the direct result of our circumstances. And which may not have happened otherwise? How do we resolve that? And does it really matter that we do?

I’ve been doing a lot of reading these last few weeks – I’m on vacation! I’ve made my way through The Hidden Messages in Water, Secret Life of Water and The Shape of Love: Discovering Who We Are, Where We Came From, and Where We’re Going by Masaru Emoto. As well as Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl and am currently reading my way through The Power Of Appreciation and Wishing Well: Making Your Every Wish Come True. Each of these warrant a few lengthy posts of their own.

I see a thread weaving through them all. Threads of Love and Gratitude, Vibration and Resonating. This last week (the Universe, my God, whom or whatever you might call it) has shown me an abundance of each of these. In more ways than I can write about here.

I have wanted a lot of things in life. Some things really badly. A job, a raise, an education, to dance…but there is only one thing I could describe as a Wish. And that was the Wish to have a (loving) relationship with my father. It’s a whole other story (maybe) that we were separated when I was very young – too young for me to have a conscious remembrance of him.

I always had something of him with me though. And like when you squint at the night sky to see that flicker of a star, so was my hope to reunite with him. Just that glimmer. It was enough for me as a little girl and has remained enough for me throughout adulthood.

I was recently blessed when that glimmer broke through a dark sky and my father, mon père, reached out to me when word had reached him of my current state of health.

So the question is, does it matter that after all this time it took these circumstances to connect us? My answer is a resounding ‘No!’ There are no needed explanations. No questions I need to ask or have answered. All that matters is ‘now’, the present moment. And that we have connected.

I believe the love and gratitude I’ve been nurturing within myself has laid the foundation for this moment. And could those vibrations and (well) wishes I’ve made have had anything to do with the unfolding of recent events? Maybe…

Our past stories may unfold over time, but it’s our future story that we’re now writing.

Je t’ai toujours aimé mon père et toujours!

Blessings,
Jacqueline

Have you experienced unexpected love and gratitude through your experience of chronic illness? I would love to hear your stories of serendipity, synchronicity or (well) wishing  in the comments below .

 

It just escapes me…

MyMusings

…how fast time slips away!

We’re almost at the end of 2012 and it amazes me that I’ve been ashore now for more than a year and that I’ve crossed over my 4th anniversary serving in the Royal Canadian Navy.

With regards to my injury and health, things are moving along. More appointments and more tests. At this point it’s become more about making the adaptations in my daily living, and life, to best manage the pain and allow me to do some of the simplest of things.

I’ve had some very fortunate accommodations though at work with regards to my injury. I now have Dragon Naturally Speaking voice recognition software on my computer at work as well as a specially designed mouse, the Rollermouse Free2. Both have been great in helping to reduce the amount of typing and mousing that I do. The Rollermouse is great in that it significantly increases the time I can work at the computer (using the mouse) before my pain levels get to a point that I can’t anymore. Dragon is a little slower to return the benefits as it has a learning curve that can be steep, and frustrating. I’m trying to get these things for at home too because I do so much work on the computer outside of work.

The loss of independence and realizing I have to ask for help sometimes is difficult for me and having always been so health conscious and fit, my drop in fitness and the weight gain I’ve experienced has been quite upsetting. An Occupational Therapist came and spent some time sorting out changes and making suggestions of things I can do around the house to make things easier and safer. I’m also excited to start working with an Adaptive Fitness Specialist. I don’t think I’ll be running any 10k’s soon (just walking is a challenge ;-) or doing any weight lifting (the coffee pot’s about my limit right now ;-), but I’m hoping they’ll be able to make some adaptations to some basic exercises so I can feel like I’m beginning to gain back some level of fitness.  I think it will really help to have some supervision and do things in a controlled environment. As silly as it might seem, I’m hesitant to start walking because of the probability that I’m going to get around the block and then can’t get myself back home – a very real likelihood.

 

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I’ll give you something to write about…

MyMusings

Pen And Papers w creditI have wanted to write for a very long time.

Something about writing has always had a strong draw for me…maybe it’s the self expression, the creativity, the chronicling of my life, sharing with and helping others or maybe just the sheer indulgence of it…I’ve never been able to put my finger on it.

But something has also terrified me.

And stopped me dead in my tracks. So, needless to say, I’ve had many false starts throughout the years. I started my first journals as a teenager, and then burned them. Since the inception of the internet, I’ve started blogs and then abandoned them. Never sure about what I have to say that anyone might want to hear. And truthfully, I’m still not sure.

The Universe has given me something though that I now feel I have to write about. Something that has challenged how I view (my) life and how I will continue to experience and live in the world. I need to overcome my fear of writing, and of judgement, to share with you my experience of a possible diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis (MS). I admit until faced with a diagnosis myself, I had absolutely no idea what MS was. I’d never known anyone with MS and had nothing other than a vague image of some debilitating disease. I’m the first to admit that’s a pretty ignorant, and narrow, understanding of a disease that afflicts so many people (I’ve since learned).

I’ve learned a lot over the last number of months.

A lot about MS, as well as a lot about myself. In the coming months I will continue to learn more about MS, as well as myself. And I will share that with you on this blog in the hopes I might comfort or inspire others living with a similar diagnosis or those being faced with a potential diagnosis. Unfortunately, MS is a very complicated disease that effects every individual very uniquely. I’ve heard that if you were to put 100 people with MS in a room, it would look like 100 different diseases. It’s this about the disease that makes it so difficult to diagnose, and to deal with. And why so many, if not most people, live with MS for years before receiving a formal diagnosis.

There’s a lot of ground to cover so to get you started I’m going to leave you with one of most inspiring things I have come across yet in my search. There are others, but we’ll get to those in time. I’d like to introduce you to the book Overcoming Multiple Sclerosis (OMS) by Professor George Jelinek.

Diagnosed with MS in 1999, Professor Jelinek has gone 13 years without relapse. Read how as both a doctor and person with MS, he has helped countless people with MS lead healthy and productive lives.

from www.OvercomingMultipleSclerosis.org

If you or someone you know has MS, I encourage you to hop over344 and browse through the many resources and wonderful community he has created. His experiences with MS and the OMS program are detailed in his book below, and which you can order from Amazon.

Blessings. And be well…
Jacqueline

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